The word amaturish is being kind. The story was lucid, the characters out of a
Barney movie, and the plot blew off my desk everytime someone opened the door
to my room it was so vague and light. Almost painful to read.

pretty bad, unless it was writen by a twelve year old, then, good job.

Reads like the pilot of a Saturday morning kids live action show.
Minus a couple of innuendos this is rated G. Good if that is what you're going for.
 
I am a big fan of Saturday morning serials. So was George Lucas.
Keep writing. I did enjoy it, somewhat.

I think the ages stated for the main characters do not match their dialogue.
They were written as teenagers. That's a quick fix if you adjust their ages.
That's not a quick fix if you need them to be 21-22 years old. The one scene I would
review again is when Hendrix witnesses Lorianna being shot. I didn't believe that Hendrix
could take on the "cops" and that the "cops" would reveal so much information about their
assignment to a stranger/possible threat.

I feel badly about expressing such a strong dislike for another artists work.
I thought this was the worst screenplay I have read in a long time! It was "space-balls"
meets poorly budgeted "star-wars". The dialogue was trite and formulaic although it was
obvious the author was trying to be "tongue-in-cheek". I feel the author has potential,
but this effort failed to interest me in any way.
 
Although the sp possessed a cleaver story, the dialogue was to plain to be realistic,
given such circumstances. The alien planets they travelled to were most unbelievable,
given their similarities to Earth. Given a hearty re-write , a major studio MAY make this
as a multi-million dollar movie, due to the special effects.

Great concept... maybe taking the dialogue into a greater depth would enhance the characters.

Underdeveloped for a science fiction story. Seen one futuristic space adventure, you've seen them all.