Just before the end of the 1950s, a comedy writer was born in Philadelphia during the height of popularity of Erle Stanley Gardner (writer of "Perry Mason").  His parents named him Earl Stanton Garber, leaving him destined (or condemned) to become a writer.  He scribbled blissfully away as a child, and since he had no artistic ability, he wrote a bizarre newsletter at age 7 (John's Death House) and, after 6 months of counseling, went on to writing weakly...excuse me, weekly - two-page humor newsletters at age 13 (Trivial Doodles.)  An adolescent poetry phase followed, and after following a 3.6 GPA in high school with half the GPA in college, he wrote an unfinished short story (Misadventures in the Big City.)  A career in electronics, marriage, and raising a family of non-writers followed, and while mixing metaphors and stirring them, his writing ran out of gas and took the back seat but failed to get lucky.  A few writings did emerge from this otherwise productive period, such as an actually finished short story (Extra Terrestrials) and numerous notes for an original TV series.  Earl created a website or two or ten after the children left home clinging to the vestiges of their sanity.  Among these are The Bogus Bulletin, Home of the Old Comedywriter, Earl's Web Ramblings, and the usual Personal Home Page.  In the time between the children and the websites, Earl became a grandfather, and proved with his wife that history repeats itself by raising a granddaughter.  Again - despite his otherwise successful life - he returned to writing, this time with a full-length screenplay  (In Our Space) based on his notes for a TV series.  It failed miserably in the Project Greenlight 2 competition.  Still he presses on, fighting insurmountable odds with a sci-fi suspense story (25 Hours) and a drama (working title: Cellphone) and has written song parodies in whatever bits of spare time that life tosses him.  He also entered the Bravo contest "Situation:Comedy" with a TV sitcom pilot rewrite of Extra Terrestrials, knowing that he had a slug's chance in Salt Lake of winning.  Next up, either the sci-fi, the drama, or the "bad detective" comedy.
 

Almost fascinating facts about the Old Comedy Writer that you wish you hadn't known, or will soon regret wasting your time reading:

He was the only one in his second grade class with a perfect score in a music test to qualify to play a musical instrument. He played the violin, because a piano was slightly too heavy to bring home from school.  He later played a fake Stradivarius, which was stolen by classmates.  With friends like that, it was no wonder he quit playing the violin just before playing with the orchestra for graduation.

In addition to having a name like a marginally famous pseudo-celebrity, his wife's name is Brenda Lee Garber, and he once had a friend named Robert Vaughn Arkow.  However, he has never been and has never been associated with a famous person, and will probably never have to update this sentence to reflect any changes.  His 15 minutes of fame have never been used, and the fame clock still reads 15:00, except after a power failure when it blinks 15:00.

He grew up in Philadelphia, but left in 1981 to:  1. Double his salary as an electronic technician  2. Be with his girlfriend  3. Escape the City Of Brotherly Love And Bad Attitudes.  He left California in 1986 because:  1. An average person (like him) can't afford to buy a house there  2.  His wife's family lived in Washington State  3. He couldn't tell which street gang was chasing his daughter from week to week   4. George Deukmejian became governor.

He has accidentally mastered the art of being banned from online message boards without ever using a four-letter word.  His humor has also inspired amateur literary critics worldwide to cut and paste reviews of "Gigli" and substitute the names of his writings.

He drives a mini-van, but would never be mistaken for a soccer mom.  Unless, of course, you know a bald soccer mom with a beard - or you happen to be Mr. Magoo.

At age four, he discovered he was very inept at telling lies.  This ruined any chances of him growing up to become President.

He has seen authors Steven Barnes and Tananarive Due at the local Fred Meyer store, got a wrong number phone call from playwright/author/producer Caroline Wood, helped install a mobile phone (before cellular) in Ray Parker Jr.'s [Ghostbusters] car, watched installers find Zippy the Pinhead comics (but no contraband stash) during a phone install in Mike Nesmith's [Monkees] mobile home, and graduated from the same high school as famous non-graduate attendees Sylvester Stallone and Gia Carangi.  However, he's not the guy who blew up the battery in Cissy Houston's Rolls Royce during a botched phone install when Whitney was 16.