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If this was an actual emergency, you would be vaccinated and squeal like a pig.
4/30/09 - The CDC has raised the alert level for the recent outbreak of  Swine Flu, according to spokesman Gene Upchuck.  In classifying it as level 5, Upchuck asserted that it has the highest risk assessed since 2005.  "This virus is some nasty stuff, I'll tell you that" Upchuck said in a recent interview.  "It causes people to wear silly masks, makes school administrators give kids days off, and causes Mexico to celebrate Cinco de Maio 5 days early."  Level 6 is reserved for an actual "pandemic", a Greek word meaning "widespread panic without good reason."  Persons with impaired immune systems and children are urged to avoid other people who exhibit signs of panic.  Flu vaccinations should also be avoided, as a common side effect of these is panic.  "Panic should be avoided at all costs"  added Upchuck,  "since we need to save our energy in case we should reach a Level 7 alert."   When asked what Level 7 was, Upchuck replied: "When it reaches level 7, nobody will be left to tell you."
 
 

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