HELLO,
COMPLIMENTS OF THE HUNTIN' SEASON. GRACE, PEACE AND LOVE FROM
THIS PART OF THE
TRAILER PARK TO Y'ALL. I HOPE MY LETTER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TOO
MUCH
EMBARRASSMENT AS I WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH AND BAD SPELLIN.
BASED ON THE CONTACT ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND WHO WORKS
AT THE
HOG FARM ATTACHED TO YOUR TOWN IN MY STATE.PLEASE
EXCUSE MY PEEPIN INTO YOUR MAILBOX. I AM BARRTENDER CLETUS SALATU
,I
REPRESENT MO ABACHA,SON OF THE LATE GEN. SAN "JAKE" ABACHA, WHO
WAS THE
FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF THE ORDER OF WHITENESS. HE DIED IN 1998.
SINCE HIS DEATH, THE
FAMILY HAS BEEN LOOSING A LOT OF MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVE
JACK BOOTED GOVERNMENT
OFFICIALS AND BAD LUCK AT THE BLACKJACK TABLE.
CONSEQUENTLY, THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A OUTTA STATE
PARTNER WHO CAN
WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT THE TOTAL SUM OF 75 BOTTLES OF BEER
ON THE WALL, 75 BOTTLES OF BEER, PRESENTLY IN THEIR
POSSESSION. THIS BEER WAS OF COURSE,ACQUIRED BY THE LATE GRAND
DRAGON AND
IS NOW KEPT SECRETLY BY THE FAMILY. THE OKLAHOMA GOVERNMENT HAS
ALREADY
FROZEN ALL THE ACCOUNTS OF THE FAMILY IN TULSA, AND SOME OTHER
LITTLE TOWNS WOULD SOON LIKEN TO FOLLOW TO DO THE SAME. THIS
BID BY SOME CORRUPT
GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND BAD JUDGES TO DEAL WITH THIS FAMILY
HAS
MADE IT NECESSARY THAT WE SEEK YOUR ASSISITANCE AND YOUR PICKUP
TRUCK IN
RECEIVING THIS BEER AND IN DRINKING IT ON BEHALF OF THE FAMILY AND
THEIR YOUNG-UNS.
THIS MUST BE A JOINT AND BONG TRANSACTION AND WE MUSTALL WORK
TOGETHER.
SINCE THIS BEER IS STILL COLD, EXTRASECURITY MEASURES HAVE BEEN
TAKEN TO
PROTECT IT FROM THEFT OR SEIZURE BY MINORITIES THAT SHOULDNT
BE HERE IN THE
FIRST PLACE ,PENDING WHEN AGREEMENT IS REACHED ON
WHEN TO MOVE IT INTO ANY OFTHIS COUNTIES WAXAHATCHIE, BEJEESUS,
HOG HOLLER,
OR HOOTERS COUNTY PENDING ON OUR AGREEMENT.
I HAVE PERSONALLY WORKED OUT BACK ROAD ROUTES FOR THE PEACEFUL
CONCLUSION
OF THIS FEUD AND OF THIS TRANSACTION. THE BEER DEFINITELY WOULD BEHANDLED
IN
CASES AND THE FIRST CASE WILL INVOLVE THE MOVING OF 25 ( TWENTY
FIVE) BOTTLES OF BEER ON THE WALL, 25 BOTTLES OF BEER.
MY CLIENTS ARE WILLING TO GIVE YOU A REASONABLE PERCENTAGE OF
THIS BEER
AS SOON AS THE BASIC CABLE SPORTS SEASON IS CONCLUDED. I WILL,HOWEVER,
BASED ON THE GROUNDS THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK WITHUS ON THE
FARM
AND ALSO ALL CONTENTIOUS ISSUES DISCUSSED BEFORE THE COMMENCEMENT OF
THIS TRANSACTION, WHATEVER THAT MEANS. YOU MAY
ALSO DISCUSS YOUR PERCENTAGE BEFORE WE START TO DRINK. AS SOON
AS I HEAR
FROM YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL THEM THERE NECESSARY DETAILS AS
TO HOW
WE INTEND TO CARRY OUT THE WHOLE LOAD OF BEER.
PLEASE, DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY CITY FOLK,AS ALL THEM NECESSARY MODALITIES
ARE IN
PLACE, AND I ASSURE YOU OF ALL SUCCESS AND SAFETY AND A WORKING
FRIDGE IN THIS
TRANSACTION.PLEASE, THIS
TRANSACTION REQUIRES ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY AND INEBRIATION.
YOU WOULD BE EXPECTED TO
TREAT IT AS SUCH UNTIL THE BEER IS MOVED OUT OF THIS COUNTY
TO WHERE
YOU INTEND TO REFRIGERATE THEM.
IN COMPLIANCE WITH THIS YOU ARE TO FORWARD TO ME THE FOLLOWING
DETAILS:
YOUR COMPLETE NAMES AND ADDRRESS AND NEXT OF KIN AS WELL AS HOW
MANY WAYS
YOU ARE RELATED TO YOUR COUSINS BY MARRIAGE,PRIVATE TELEPHONE AND FAX
NUMBERS,
WHAT WINDOW TO THROW THE ROCK THROUGH WITH MESSAGE TIED TO IT, NAMES
OF YOUR
DOGS, MAKE AND YEAR OF YOUR PICKUP TRUCK. THIS IS TO ENABLE ME PERFECT
ALL THE
NECESSARY DOCUMENTATION WITH THE SECURITY
FIRM AND MOVE THIS BEER ACROSS TO YOUR COUNTY OF CHOICE.PLEASE,
YOU WILL
ALSO IGNORE THIS LETTER AND RESPECT OUR TRUST IN YOU BY NOT EXPOSING
YOURSELF
TO THE 16 YEAR OLD IN THE NEXT TRAILER DURING THIS TRANSACTION, EVEN
IF YOU ARE NOT
INTERESTED.
I LOOK FORWARDS TO WORKING WITH YOU ALL.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BARRTENDER CLETUS J. SALATU
PRIVATE EMAIL: barr_tender@hick.com
NB:PLEASE DO COPY THIS SITE ON YOUR BROWSER AND LEARN HOW TO READ
AT A FOURTH GRADE LEVEL SO YOU
WILL UNDERSTAND BETTER WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.
http://www.hick.org/friends.html
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