08/22/99 GPS systems all crash. Where the hell ARE we???

12/31/99 Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1999!    At midnight that happy feeling will roll over into a hangover.

01/01/00 National Panic Day. See list below for probable outcome.

               Banks and ATMs fail due to interpreting 2000 people waiting in line to withdraw money as an empty room.

               Murphy's Law is upheld by the Supreme Court in a vote of 9 to 00.

               Video games crash, sending a new generation to the closets to dig out documentation on the rules of tic-tac-toe.

               TV sets reset to round black-and-white pictures.

               Widespread power failures cause panic to be limited to daylight hours only.

               Failure of traffic signals, along with failure of vehicular computers, causes massive pileups of classic cars.

               Computer failures on airplanes cause "No Smoking" signs to turn off.

               Great chefs of the world collaborate on new book:  "2000 Ways to Spice Up Stockpiled Food"

01/02/00 First Sunday in new millenium. Churches crash due to prayer overflow errors.

01/03/00 First holiday of new millenium. Football games will be interrupted due to intermittant referee glitches.
               (And THAT'S supposed to be something new???)

01/04/00 First work day of new millenium.

01/05/00 First sick day of new millenium.

02/02/00 Groundhog day. Little critter crashes and fails to reboot,  predicting six more weeks of chaos.

02/29/00 First leap day of new millenium. Time to reset the date on your non-functioning computer.

02/30/00 First invalid date of new millenium. Thousands of  incorrectly printed calendars are thrown away.

03/15/00 First "Ides of March" of the new millenium. Caesar's already dead; no new problems expected here.

04/01/00 First April Fools Day of the new millenium. Computer viruses crash and erase themselves...APRIL FOOL!!!

04/15/00 First tax deadline of the new millenium. Time to pay that 1.2 billion in back taxes the IRS says you owe from
               the year 1900 to the present.

05/05/00 First Cinco de Mayo of the new millenium. No Tequila available due to 99 year old expiration dates on bottles.

06/14/00 First Flag Day of the new millenium. Flag crashes and re-initializes in default condition with 13 stars.

07/04/00 First July 4 of the new millenium. The fireworks, having been made in China, perform flawlessly.

08/??/00 First new Star Trek:Voyager episode of the new millenium.  Captain Janeway destroys the Borg by resetting their
               chronometers to the year 3000.

10/31/00 First Halloween of the new millenium. The two most popular scary costumes are the computer and the Bill
               Gates mask.

11/07/00 First Presidential election of the new millenium.  Ross Perot crashes and will not run.

12/25/00 First Christmas of the new millenium. Santa is grounded due to delay in manufacture of new controller for sleigh.
               Rudolph's nose glows yellow due to programming errors.  Elves strike due to payroll processing problems.
 
 

Copyright MCMXCIX, Earl S. Garber. (That's 1999, for the Roman numerically challenged.)
"Star Trek:Voyager", "Captain Janeway", and "Borg" are trademarks of Paramount Pictures.

Questions?  Comments?  Gripes?   Email me here.

This page was published on a computer that reset to 01-01-80.  No kidding!